Why hello there. I know, I know...I really need to update this more often. Life just seems to be so crazy all the time and days go by so fast. I can't believe summer is almost over, and I know I say this every year but there was so much more I wanted to do.

Blah, I got a card from Molly in the mail today. I'm a baby and it made me cry. Its nice to know that in a world that is forever changing some bonds really are strong enough to last.

If you have some time come see the show I directed. "Once Upon a Mattress" It closes on sunday. www. cvft.org for details.

Other than that, Life is good.

call me bitches. I'm sure it's been awhile.

Hey all.  I know, it has been entirely too long since I've updated but I guess the truth is that I'm just too lazy.

what's new? My show closes on sunday! crazy. I've been living at the Guthrie since the end of February, how strange it will be to end. Closing night is sounding like an amazing time. It's the last night in the existence of that building and the party sounds huge. Food, drinks, music, dancing....and I am told it will last until the sun comes up. It will be so fun. All of the out of town actors are heading back to NY the next day so I'm sure it will be a little sad as well.

My good friend Debbie left a few days ago to do a show in Alaska for 5 months. It's going to be crazy spending my summer without her. I've literally seen her atleast 3 times a week, every week since September.

Aurora is leaving for the summer soon as well, my god, I'm happy here but maybe I need to leave for awhile. It seems to be a trend.

"Mattress" is quickly approaching and I am getting very excited. I met with Katy a couple weeks ago to discuss choreography and Angie signed on to stage manage, and I really couldn't be any happier.

What else? I know I have crazy stories from the Guthrie and such...but I guess those will wait until next week. I just have to say I have never had such a good time backstage and in the dressing rooms before, we're crazy there. Honestly I shouldn't even talk about some of the crazy shit that has happened.

Alright folks, off to meet Erionne for dinner. I'm hungry.

I've been so busy lately I haven't had any time to update this thing. I'm practically living at the Guthrie right now doing 8 or 9 shows a week. The show runs until May 7th and I wish more than anything that it could end tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, it's an awesome experience and the people are just great. But, I play a guard and don't get to interact at all and I miss my friends like crazy. I just wish I would have done 'Wonderful Town' at BCT where I know I would be growing and learning and spending time with the people I love and miss so much. Oh well, I'm going to do everything I can to do 'How to succeed' there in the fall even though it conflicts with 'Mattress'. I just miss it and the people like crazy. Debbie is leaving to do a show for 4 1/2 months soon and I never get to see her. Thinking about spending my summer without her honestly makes me sad. I feel so out of the loop right now. I only hang out with Guthrie people because by the time I  get out of the theatre at night everyone already has plans. But again, it's a great experience and I'm meeting wonderful people, and even a few great friends.

If you get a chance you should try and see it. Not for me, because I do next to nothing, but I do think it's a pretty good show and it's the last production in this theatre before it'l be torn down and the new Guthrie will take over. It's actually quite sad, there's so much history in that building and although it sounds weird I can feel it.

I'm growing up and i need to figure out what to do with my life. This dream of doing theatre is quickly dying. After working with the amazing actors I have become more discouraged than ever. Santino, who plays Hamlet and is just so kind and fun is only a year older than me and is truly amazing. Not only is he playing Hamlet at the Biggest regional theatre in the country but he can sing like a mad man and has broadway musicals calling him for auditions. This whole thing just makes me realize that I don't have what it takes and I need to start being realistic and figure out a plan in my life.

I spent time with Arya and Austan tonight. I've come to the realization that I may never have kids but I am so lucky to have such beautiful nieces and nephews. I love them more than anything and try to see them any time I have away from the theatre.

I have a problem. I met someone really cool and almost began dating but then I got really turned off and stopped all contact. I don't know if I'm afraid of being hurt again, or if I'm not over my past or what but I think I need to figure things out. I'm so afraid to open up to and love people again and if I can't get over it, I may just be single forever.

Aurora, if you read this I think you should  come to the cities on sunday. I have a show at 1:00 but have the night off...so we could have dinner that night and go out. We haven't done that in months...literally, since the summer...so just think about it. It would be really nice to see you.

alright...time for bed. I've been sad lately and it's because I miss my friends. Really, it is, so please call me. I want my life back. I want to see my friends. I love you all.

Currently Listening Janis Joplin - Greatest Hits By Janis Joplin see related

I can never motivate myself to update this thing. So. Here we go. What's new? My brother got married a week and 1/2 ago. It was honestly the best weekend of my life. I had so much fun and saw so many people. I can't believe how many people I knew at the wedding. And although, I don't remember too much about the reception after dinner, I know I had a great time. And I won $50 in the dance off! It probably wasn'y very fair since my brother came up to me right before he pushed me in the circle telling me I had already won, but since I had the whole crowd chanting my name I think It's safe to say that I won fairly. about 100 people went to an after bar at the hotel where we were staying and I slightly remember dacing on the stage with the band and my new sister-in-law the whole time. After late night swimming with the rest of the wedding party Jackie and I crawled to our room at passed out. Oh, I forgot though. I sprained my ankle really bad at the after bar. Don't even ask me about it, haha, but I was on crutches for a week and still have an air cast on. The worst part is that I had a tap callback at Chanhassen the day after. I went and explained that I had sprained my ankle really bad but wanted to attempt anyways. I didn't get too far however, considering I couldn't put any weight on that foot. Oh well, everything, and I mean everything happens for a reason right?

But yeah, I love my new sister-in-law more than I can even begin to describe. We were having wedding party withdrawel so we went out the other night and had a blast. Good times. And I realized how awesome my family is. Kyle and I were on the dance floor almost 4 hours. He was even doing the splits and shit, my brother. who would have ever guessed? man.

I went to Duluth this past weekend. Oh. My. God. Talk about emotional. I've been bacl there plenty of times since I left but for some reason something just hit me this time. Every where I went I had a million memories from the two and a half years that I lived there. Some good, some bad, but every memory just touched my heart and was relived this weekend. It was really hard though because so many of my good friends graduated last year and going places where they should have been but weren't was just so surreal. I left Duluth hating it. But this weekend I truly fell in love. I miss it more than anything and a large part of me wishes I would have stayed. It is so neat how everyone has changed so much. I look back to my first year there and how young we were. Especially me. I went to UMD with two of my best friends, and a very serious boyfriend who I was in love with. I had no plans for the future, I was so naive. I think for the most part I am the same person that I was then, but I have grown up. I've lived life and experienced so much. good times, bad times, and a heartbreak that almost did me in. But I wouldn't give it away for anything and I am a better person because of it. Duluth will always hold a special place in my heart, and now 3 1/2 years later, out of that serious relationship, and not very close to those 2 best friends, and more different than I ever could have imagined I am just so happy to have lived it. What a fucking amazing time. I almost hate the fact that Duluth will never be the same again. Every amazing person that I met while being there will be gone. I just think it was really good for me to go there now, because I have grown, I am healthy and I can accept things, and love them for what they were and for what they are.

Life is good. I just want to go hug someone right now.

Here's to you Duluth, god love ya.

Happy Valetines day. Want to go on a date? If so call me, bitch ;)